All of you on Instagram know those Before & after pictures, for the ladies one picture before a beauty make over and another after… they really show a huge distinction. Well life is a little similar to that, today I want to talk about our to sides and versions of persons living within us, the weak and the strong but still in the same body.
I keep telling my self, “We are here, the strong & the weak (ME) living in the same body!” Am not an upright man pay say that is living up to society fittings. I am living in the twilight zone between two names, Emmanuel, which means, “God with us.” and Wabwire, which means, “Born at night.” Religion will tell you, if you fast enough, you kill the other side, but I keep telling my self, “We are still here! Emmanuel and Wabwire” And some times we get into a fight living in the same body, Sometimes Wabwire wants to quit and Emmanuel wants to stay. Sometimes Emmanuel wants to live holy and Wabwire wants to go to a strip-club. Emmanuel wants to read the bible, and Wabwire wants to watch porn and we are both living in the same body. Your are supposed to be a Christian, Emmanuel is but I still have to live with Wabwire. Sometimes I even wonder why God still reaches out and calls me, but all I know is, that’s his nature! He wants to use the weak, make them strong and pride in them.
Growing up was amazing especially when it meant living with a great Dad as mine even when I had never known my biological mom. In my late teens he was there to take me through the hard parts of life and my God I achieved great things…he was there, on matter of relationships, sex, studies, money, travel… everything! In him I had a best friend and great girly deep and strong true love for him, my role model and Father. In 2012, he fell sick, I gathered up all the savings I had to ensure he gets the best treatment, imagine the man who has been there all your life, now down. I could not be with him at hospital cause I had to work hard make ends meet so I can pay the bills, my step mom did a great job. At last I had finally got money to treat him well even though when he had improved, that’s when I got the shock of my life that he had passed on the last month of the year. That’s when I had heartbreak, one I couldn’t move out of, one so hurtful that no emotions but emptiness couldn’t explain. I was emotionally raging; imagine, when you have to burry the one thing that you know you loved and cared about the most. Your entire adult life working to make them proud and happy but rather you dig a hole with your shovel, covered up and Burry him and that’s the place I fell short!
I wonder how many of you have buried something where you fell short, dag a hole, covered it up. Its not always a loved one, sometimes you can bury your fight, you just get to a no more and your fight is gone! You get back on your journey but your fight didn’t. You got back on you journey but your hope didn’t. You got back on your journey but your joy didn’t. And no body knows, not even those close to you that only half a man got back up on their fit, the half of you died surviving where you fell short. You move on hurting, raging emotionally, some physically and others mentally with what you have such as what I have (little pieces of you!) I started out with more but by the time I reached at the end of my race…this is all that’s left of me. The story is still sad because we always fall short right close to the end of our journeys; you get to the burial but not to the bridge. In the end you stop loving cause of the pain it costs to care. I want to ask you, what have you buried in your almost place? Is it you courage? Is it your integrity? Is it your fight? Is it your dream? Is it your love for the family? Have you stopped loving because you are scared of disappointments? Or because of what it costs to love? Because everybody reading this I know has a shovel, and when life gets crazy, we burry what we can’t fix.
I know so cause I have buried what I couldn’t fix….
But when we burry what we can’t fix that’s when we miss a miracle that’s why Jesus tells Mary, “Show me…where you laid him down (Lazarus’ death)” ‘take me to the spot where you have up! Because I want to be the God of your short places; I wanna be the God who engages where you ran out, I wanna be the God that touches the area of your fear, if you have enough courage to take me to the spot where you laid it down, I will give you a miracle where you got a mess. But do you have the courage to take your Jesus, Savior to the place where you buried what used to make you get up out of the bed in the morning. Because He can be Jesus in the church, but if He is not Lord where you put that shovel, He is not Lord at all.
Today, I remember the point I buried true love, the day I laid my Father to rest in peace. I remember the day I buried my honesty, the day I chose to campaign in National Students Politics due to supporters with hidden unclean agendas. I remember the day I buried my mission, the day I contested for the National Resistant Movement Party flagship for MP, I gave up my cause to fit in other person’s cause. I remember the day I buried my trust in people… it’s every single time of these events, I lost a piece of trust, from every betrayal, disappointment, loss, breaks and so on.
These pressures most unmentioned suffocate our lives, but all we do is bury them and l keep on moving short of what we are and have always been. Men will judge us but we still move on. However, this isn’t healing, it’s like we are plastering a wound and not allowing it to dry up making it more septic.
I am revisiting my burial sites, getting my love back, my trust back, humility back, my mission back, my name back, my joy above all my life back! So, enough is enough, I am more than a Conqueror and am claiming my life back and believing in God that you have received yours as well.This will take self discpline and trusting in the Lord fully.