Letter To My Unofficial Boo

Dear Bae,

I know you don’t like reading, so I’m gonna make this as brief as possible. And I’m not writing this the traditional style, I’m gonna number my points. (Yayy, Finally! I’ve
always wanted to do this numbering thing on Twitter but I couldn’t. *sighs). Okay, here goes:
1. We’re in love with each other. (Ugh, I sound mushy)
2. But we’re not dating. And we can’t date now. (We already discussed the reasons)
3. Meaning we’re just friends.
4. And friends don’t make out. (You know what friends do- borrow your stuff without returning it, ask for money without saying ‘Please’, visit you and shorten your ration when you want to eat, tease you until you’re mad, and all that)

 

5. Friends that make out are ‘friends with benefits’. And hell no, I don’t want to be your ‘friends with benefits’. (I’ve always thought of them as horny people with no emotions, I mean… How can you make out with
someone you’re not in love with?)
6. Yes, we’ve made out a couple of times before (I just said ‘a couple of times’ to trivialise this, we both know the truth). So my point is: we need to stop it. Both of us enjoyed it but it doesn’t make it right. We’re sinning against our bodies and it’s displeasing God. (Lawd, I
sound like a hypocrite, I’m so ashamed of myself)

7. That we ‘love’ each other doesn’t mean we have to make out (or do that other one that starts with s and ends with x). Love is not a feeling; feelings come and go. Love is a decision. (Epic line yeah? Saw it in my
dad’s write-up for his pre-marital class students). If we really love each other, we’ll decide to respect each other (our bodies inclusive) and be selfless in our wants and
needs no matter how hard it is. (Wow! I love the person I’m becoming. I even sound like Bimbo Odukoya- God bless her soul)
8. Who knows? If we can successfully stay pure now, MAYBE something good can happen in the future.
9. I said ‘Maybe’ oh! (Emphasis is necessary)
10. In reference to number 8, I hope you don’t
understand ‘something good’ to mean marriage. (Actually, I meant marriage, but not to me. I’ll recommend you to one of my hot friends with wealthy parents. And you know I have none.)
11. The thing is: My father is a pastor, and he can’t let me marry what he calls ‘Sunday-Sunday Christians’ (I hope you know what that means)
12. Did I tell you about that day he found out about you? (He wasn’t happy with me 😥 ). He asked me the church you attend. (I mentioned the former one, the new one sounds like one of those mushroom churches, God forgive me). He then asked me if you were a worker in
your church. (Lmao! I wanted to laugh ehn, but I was already crying, and I didn’t want him to think they were crocodile tears. P.S: They were not crocodile tears. O:)
13. So you see, we can’t get married. My fate is sealed. I’ll probably end up getting married to someone who is an usher or in the choir at our church. *sighs
14. That’s by the way though.
15. It hurts me to do this *places hand over chest* but I have to. I’m really sorry.
16. Sorry I won’t date you, and still won’t make out with you. (When you’ve clearly shown you want one of the two, or both sef)
17. You’re one of the strongest people I know (I’m not flattering you, I swear) so I believe your heart is not broken. But just in case I’m wrong (I hope I am), listen to some Coldplay, they’ll fix you. (Pun intended :D)
18. Here’s some good news though: I’m changing my course to Dramatic Arts (My parents finally acknowledged my acting potential \O/), so the chances of you seeing me around at school are quite slim. (And if you do… Oh well… I tried my best). You should be happy,
really. You’ll be in part 2, I’ll be in part 1. Again.
19. If you read this without laughing, then it means you hate me now, or you’re ‘out of love’ with me. (You can do the former, but not the latter. Wait… Isn’t it supposed to be the other way round?)
20. Sha don’t do both. Please. I know I have small feet but abeg, put yourself in my shoes. (I’ve always thought that saying should be ‘put your legs in my shoes’ though)
21. I’m really sorry. Sorry that I said I’d make this brief but I didn’t. I hope you’ve not slept off by now.
22. I won’t end this with “I hope you find someone better who will love you and blah blah blah”. You know I don’t like lying.
23. Okay. I’ve said enough. Take care
(Whew, this wasn’t half as hard as I expected)

Yours sincerely
Friend.

 

 

 

Oluwadunni

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